Sunday, February 20, 2011

i will always

Oh, it’s been a long I haven’t write anything, and believe it or not I almost forget my password. Huh.. it is raining heavily; symbolizes of what I am feeling deep inside of my heart right now. It’s hard for me to cry out for what I have done to her. But seriously, I didn’t mean to do that. She is too special for me; she came into my life after I ended my last crush during my secondary school. She had shined my days, my life. She is gorgeous. In short, she is too perfect for me. Yes I love her. I am a human being, who has feeling and sense. I want to love and to be loved. As everyone knows that love is blind; but me? Sometimes I will be blind in appreciating the love. I’ve caused her so much emotional pain, and I’m scared to deem this as a teenage episode. I wish to take back all those times, the past that has hurt her so much to the present; I gave her disappointment and not treat her as meaningful as it should be. I used to express how sorry I was, but I knew I didn’t deserve her forgiveness; because I never change. And I think the word “sorry” seems useless. I know she was tired of telling me the things that I did that made her upset, and hoping that I wouldn’t do them anymore, when I continued to at my absentmindedness. When I mulled over on what I’ve done, perhaps this is the best solution, although it was incredibly painful. It does not mean that I am giving-up, but I don’t want her to be hurt again, because I love her. Life was not a bed of roses. I believed I will be hated by her friends, my friends or even everyone around me, and I’ll feel like shit. But it’s ok, I’m not a “fighter”, but a lover. I have been faced this many times in my life when people are eager to hold a long-lasting grudge instead of forgive me. On the other hand, grudges aren’t worth it to me. Of course, every situation is different, and sometimes people truly deserve a taste of their own medicine. One thing I want her to remember that, she still the one who is very special for me, and if you need someone to be with, I will always there for you. And trust me, with God’s Will, we will be together someday. I have to admit that there is a tiny part of me that holds out hope. I’m so sorry; I can’t be perfect for you. If you found someone who is better than me, grab “it”. Because who knows “it” could make you life more wonderful than previously.

cat usually reminds me of her


  1. dun be sad roi.. god always have a better perfect plan for you... i knw what you feels now. let time heals anything..

  2. oh gosh syl... you are my great uncle ever.